


The Crimson Waterfall

by RestlessCancer



Series: Agestuck: What they were like growing up. [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Graphic descriptions of birth, M/M, Murder, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-22 22:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/918766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Kankri Vantas and his devotion until the numerous ends of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dolorosa's Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is Kankri's story that is leading up and through Don't Be Far. I got curious about what his life would have been like for him to go to such extremes to right the hemospectrum and risk losing Karkat and the life that created his first taste of contentment that turned to torment as he realized Karkat's life wouldn't be much better than his own.

I Never Thought I Would Live To See Him Die. I Could Not Fathom That My Years Would Extend Past The Span Of His Twice Over. He Died Twice And Experienced A Brush With Death As An Ill, Troubled Wriggler. His Blood Was A Mutation, But It Was Not The Culprit Of His Condition. His Problems Were In His Head, Ringing In Echoes Even When He Was Only A Wriggler, What The Humans Call A Baby. Maybe Someday He Will Return To Me One Last Time Before My Years Discover Wherever It Is That I Hide From Them. I Can Only Hope And Pray That I Will Be Blessed Enough For Such A Miracle. 

His Child Will Not Allow Me To Get Close The Way I Was With Him, Which Pains Me Deeply. I Must Persevere Though. If I Do Not, I Fear That Child Will Die Before He Has Lived, Though His Soul May Have Already Reached That Point. That Child Is A Blessing. He Is Just Like His Father Down To The Most Miniscule Detail. Neither Of Them Cried Much As Wrigglers And They Both Have Been Cursed With Misfortunate Of Irrational Anxiety, Separation And Generalized. Neither Can Properly Function On Their Own. 

 

I Suppose I Should Start From The Beginning. After All, His Baby Would Not Exist If It Had Not Been For The Creation Of Mine.


	2. The Birth of The Signless

"Porrim, You Will Be Caring For All The Wrigglers That Bless Alternia With Their Birth. I Cannot Prepare You For Every Case You Will Encounter, But I Will Do My Best To Prepare You For Your Duties." My Guardian explains. "I Understand That You Are Only Five Sweeps Old, But I Assure You That You Are Ready. In Fact, I Shall Share With You The Fact That I Started When I Was Only Three Sweeps Myself. I Am Confident That Your Capacity For Nuturing and Standing Strong Through All You Encounter Is Far Beyond My Own. These Wrigglers Will Come Quickly And Difficultly. You Must Be Prepared For What You Will Do To Bring Them Into Our World And What You Must Do To Keep Them Here. Your First Wriggler Is About To Come To Us. You Will Raise Him Alone. He Is A Lowblood And You Must Do Your Best To Adhere To The Rules Of The Hemospectrum. Are You Ready? We Must Make Haste To Deliver Him Before It Is Too Late."

I nod to my guardian wearing our signature black and jade green robes. I take a deep breath and follow her into the cavern. This is where my lusus, a virgin mother grub, roosts. She creates the caccoons the wrigglers develop in until we come to deliver them approximately nine months later. I watch as my guardian caresses the feminine curves of our lusus, awaiting the moment when she will release the next wriggler's pod from her body.

"Porrim, Come. You Must Learn To Do This As Well." Maryam calls as she beckons.

I do as I am told and attempt to micmic her movements.

"Good. Do You Feel The Tensing Of Her Body? It Is Almost Time."

"Yes, Miss." I respond.

"Now, Go To Her Rear, You Will Have To Assist Her With Pushing The Pod From Her Chambers."

I swallow hard as I realize that I will have to violate my poor lusus to bring the new wriggler out. I attempt to push the thought from my head as I also realize that I have no choice. I must fulfill my duties or be sentenced to a fate that shall be far worse than helping to create and maintain life on Alternia. My lusus almost seems to smile sympathetically at me through her pain as she struggles to release the pod. I take a deep breath and reach my hands inside of her birth canal to feel for the pod.

"Excellent, Porrim. Wait For The Pod To Come To You. If You Reach To Far You May Ruin Her Birth Canal And Prevent Her From Birthing Any Other Wrigglers' Pods."

My heartbeat quickens as I anxiously await the arrival of the slimy, firm pod. After what feels like an eternity of sweeps the pod brushes against my dainty fingertips. I wait a moment longer is it comes further into my grasp. Finally, I have the pod between hands in the narrowest part of her birth canal. I pull with all of my strength as my lusus screeches in pain and then breathes heavily as she resorts to a low rumbling whine. After pulling a little harder, I find myself stumbling backwards and falling on my posterior as the pod exits and comes to rest atop the skirts covering my lap.

"You Have Me So Proud! You Will Be Perfect For This Duty. Now, Hurry Up and Slit Open The Pod So That The Wriggler Can Breathe." Maryam coaches.

I follow her instructions, pulling out my lip gloss and twisting the cap until it transforms into a rigid dagger. I cut through the thick, jade green slime down to the cherry red tinted gray casing of stiff, rigid, but amazingly smooth skin. I look to Maryam, my guardian, for reassurance that this skin is okay to slit.

"Go On, Just Do Not Cut Too Deep Or You Will Risk Harming The Wriggler."

I breathe evenly as I put the knife to the skin. I push it slowly and carfully through the slime covered skin until it reaches and air pocket. I pull the knife down the skin and continue to slit it.

"Perfect. Now, Pull Just A Tad Further And Then You Will Reach Inside and Pull The Wriggler Out." Maryam instructs with a brief praise for my seemingly expert motions.

I nod as I watch knife carefully and make the slit as long as my forearm. The pod is only the length of my fingertips to my elbow and is not smooth and rounded but seems to be fitted fairly close to the wriggler's curled up body. I set my knife aside and reach into the slit that I created. The skin is half an inch thick and very stretchable. My hands find his neck inside the pod and cradle it as I use my right to support it while my left pulls the skin of the pod back. With a little more effort I manage to free the wriggler from its pod, but only silence ensues as I lie him in my lap, discarding the skin to a bucket next to me.

"Something Is Not Right With This Wriggler. You Must Do It, Porrim. I Have Taught You What You Must Do And Now You Must Do It, But Be Cautious. You Must Be In Complete Control. You Must Develop A Temporary Attachment To Him In Order For Him To Survive It." Maryam urges, kneeling beside me.

I already feel an attachment to him since I was the one to welcome him to Alternia. I take a deep breath and carefully tilt his head back, looking for the best entrance for my fangs. I see where his trachea protrudes and bite into it, finding the slime that is preventing him from expelling the fluid that is in his bronchiole tubes, blocking the passage to his lungs. I suck out the slime and quickly release my teeth from his throat, licking the marks I have left to encourage them to close over.

Within a matter of seconds, the wriggler cries out, spitting up a watery, cherry red fluid. I wipe the fluid from his mouth with my skirts, already stainded with slime, blood, and birth fluids. I cradle his nude, tiny body in my arms, developing an attachment as some of his cherry blood dissolves in my mouth from clearing his airways. 

"I Knew You Would Be Well Acclimated To This. He Is Yours To Raise Until The End Of The Week. I Recommend Cleaning Him Up And Getting Him Properly Dressed Before He Relieves Himself On You." Maryam suggests, handing me a fluffy cotton towel to wrap him in.

"Yes, Miss." I respond absently and wrap him up.

"Go, Porrim. He Will Need Nursed By The Time You Are Finished."

"Yes- Pardon, Miss, But The End Of The Week?" I question snapping out of my stupor from the slime I ingested.

"Yes, Porrim. We Are Obligated To Take Him To Vantas And His Lusus So That He May Be Raised According To The Hemospectrum." Maryam answers, giving me a sorrowful look before she turns it toward the wriggler.

"But Miss, The Vantas Lusus Is Not Well Suited To Raise A Wriggler, He Will Die!" I protest, hugging the cherry blood to my chest.

"Come, Porrim." Maryam instructs.

"But Miss-"

"Come." She says sternly as she grips my hooked horn.

"Yes, Miss."

She leads me above ground to our hive. Inside, we go into the Powder Room and bathe Vantas's wriggler. He stays silent aside from occasional whining from not being able to open his eyes, which will not be possible until tomorrow. I take him into the nursery and lay him upon my bed, wrapped in a clean towel. I diaper him and slip him into a gray onesie, cuddling him to my chest as I lean back against my jade pillows. Maryam enters the room and sits, poised, upon the end of my bed.

"Porrim, We Must Discuss This Issue Of Your Growing Attachment To The Wriggler. We Will Be Culled If We Raise Him Past The Wriggling Week And I Must Tell You That Vantas's Lusus Will Not Be The One To Raise Him, Vantas Will. There Are Always Ways To Cheat A Corrupt System And Those Of Us Beneath The Highbloods Have Come To Discover Such Methods. If The Wriggler Is Napping Every Time The Subjugglator Comes For A Visit, They Are None The Wiser To Our Loopholes." Maryam explains.

I feel somewhat comforted by this, but I still cannot evade my attachment to this frail, helpless wriggler. There is something about this plan and the fact that it is about to be atempted by the the most wanted troll in Alternia at this point in time that leaves me unconvinced that this plan has any probability of succeeding. 

"I Know That Look Porrim. You Doubt Me." Maryam says.

"I Doubt That Vantas Can Stay Alive To Care For Him. He Is The Most Wanted Troll In Alternia!" I confess, rubbing circles on the wriggler's back as I kiss his practically non-existant horns.

"Have Faith, Porrim. All Will Go The Way Our Savior Plans. Enjoy Your Time With The Wriggler While You Can." Maryam kisses my forehead before leaving me to care for him. 

The Wriggler starts to suck on the loop holding my dress to its strap. I realize that this is his way of telling me he needs to be nursed. I believe this will prove to be one of the most unpleasant tasks. I carry him to the kitchen and lay him in the blanket-coated basket that I wove for Maryam to lay the wrigglers in while she performed the task that has become my duty since he is mine to care for. I reach into the bucket, tearing off a section of the podskin and inserting it into a blender with milk, blending it until it is practically a watery liquid. I put the revolting formula into a bottle and carry the wriggler back to the nursery. Making myself comfortable, I swaddle him and hold him in my arms while he drinks.


	3. The Wriggling Week

The sun beats down upon me as my eyes flutter open in response to the wriggler's fidgeting movements as he awakens, cranky and likely ready to be nursed again. I lie him down in the crib below the window on the wall opposite my bed and walk out into the hall. I am brought to a halt as the wriggler starts sobbing. I walk back into the room and hover over the crib, his eyes still will not open for a few more hours, but the absence of my heart beat and the warmth of my body is enough to alert him to the entirety my absence.

"You Are A Smart Little Wriggler, Are You Not?" I coo at him as he takes my fingers in his mouth. "I Suppose I Have To Take You With Me To Keep You Happy, Do I Not?"

He whines as I take my fingers from his grasp and wipe them off on my dress. 

"You Are Quite The Cranky Little Wriggler Too, Are You Not?" I giggle. "That Is It! I Will Call You Cranky."

He practically throws a fit with the absence of my physical presence and the sound of the insulting name.

"Oh, You Really Do Not Like That!" I coo as I offer him my hand again. "How About Kankri? That Way I Can Tease You And Call You Kranki Kankri."

He does not seem to have any objections this time as he holds my fingers in his tiny hands. I pick him up and cradle him in my arms. He seems to have problems with being alone, but I guess it is normal considering he still cannot see and he was born the previous evening.

The day passes quickly and melts into the next until it is the end of the wriggling week. I have not been looking forward to this in the least. It seems that the weather agrees with my mood and sympathizes with me as it is a stormy day today. The Vantas' Hive is far from our own, thrown to the edges of our civilization with those of other lowbloods. Being a middleblood, we have our hive in the suburbs to the grand city where the highbloods reside. The streets are not kind to any below the Highbloods, especially during a storm.

"Porrim, Come, We Must Move With Purpose Before The Streets Become Inhospitible. I Cannot See Any Other Way Than To Cover Up And Run Quickly, Child. You Must Keep Him Covered, He Catch The Strangling Death If You Cannot Keep Him Dry." Maryam warns as she cloaks herself quickly and holds Kankri while I follow her lead.

"Yes, Miss. I Wish Nothing Of The Sort Upon This Blessing And I Shall Prove As Much As We Hurriedly Flit To The Vantas' Hive." I respond, taking Kankri back in my arms, covering him with extra blankets, which make him a heavy burden to my arms, but I would rather be burdened with life than free and light with death.

"That's A Good Girl. Now, Go Swiftly And Stay To The Main Streets To Avoid The Arousal Of Suspicion. You Know Where Vantas Lives But I Will Remain At Your Flank Just The Same." Maryam commends as she hurries me out the door as the storm goes into a brief lull.

I dash out of our hive and begin to weave through the main streets.Thunder rumbles and growls like an angry cat and the lightening crashes down on the streets like a collapsing building with alarming proximity. My heartbeat races like that of a palm sized bird whose wing beats emit a sound like a hum, a rarity as is the urgency with which I move. A tree is struck down a leg's length away from me as I dart towards the less maintained path leading to Vantas's hive. With the threat of the lightning approaching directly behind me, I feel I have no choice but to hurl myself over the hunk of dead wood. I find that my plan is more flawed than I initially speculated as my ankle catches in the branches and is wrenched painfully the wrong way as I twist my body so that I may land on my back and protect Kankri.

"Porrim!" Maryam screeches in agony as she dashes to my side.

"Miss Maryam, It Is Excruciating!" I cry as my ankle bleeds and pulses painfully. 

"Do Not Fret, My Angel, We Will Get You To Vantas's Hive And See That Your Ankle Gets The Proper Treatment." Maryam nearly sobs as she carefully pulls my ankle free and takes me in her arms.

Struggling under my weight and the weight of the blanket coated Wriggler, who is now sobbing his heart out in fear, Maryam jogs as best as she can to the Vantas Hive. Finally we reach the front door and throw it open. As Maryam sets me on the couch, I look around, searching for any signs of Vantas or his lusus. Maryam stops short in the hall and gasps at a sight that I cannot see, nor am I sure I would want to. It is not long after that I notice cherry red spatter marks throughout the hive. I realize what has happened here and I am terrified of a presence that must still be here.

"Porrim, Do Not Fret. You Must Remain Calm. I Will Not Trouble You With Facts That You Cannot See, But Know That All Is Not Well Here." Maryam struggles to say in an even tone before she collapses in a sobbing heap next to the hallway entrance. 

I shift to see that she is clutching the bloody and branded body of Vantas, her Matesprit. His clothes are torn and the flesh on his chest above his heart is burnt with mark of cancer, a sideways sign for sexual activity that is every bit as disgraceful as the activity that originally claims the sign. The flesh is still oozing cherry red and Maryam begins drain his already lifeless body, sinking her fangs into his neck and licking the blood from his mark of shame and disgrace. Sickened by the sight of the dead troll who was practically family and the desperation and grief of Maryam, I turn away and take to coddling Kankri, who has only stopped crying for a lack of tears and the absence of a strong voice to produce his heart shattering cries with.

"I wanted to keep you, but not like this." I cry, nuzzling him and stroking his hair as I kiss his nubby horns.

"We Must Leave Here. There Is Nothing Left For Us Here." Maryam says, only a shell of the woman she was before coming across this sight.

She stands, smeared in his blood with streams of it dried onto her face. She reverses her cloak to hide the blood and wipes the blood from her face before she takes me into her arms. She moves at a steady pace as the storm has stopped for the time being. After a painfully long time, we arrive at our hive and find that Vantas's lusus is waiting, his snow white shell cracked in places and splotched with patches of blood smears. Maryam tends to my ankle and tucks me into bed with Kankri and a couple bottles on my nightstand so that I can nurse him whenever he is ready. I listen to Maryam crying as she talks to and tends to Vantas's lusus as I fall alseep with a Kankri already asleep in my arms. Hell is soon to bear down upon us too in all too short a time from this tragic loss. 

The Highbloods will be after us next.


	4. Highblood Sympathy

My body is overheated and sweaty as I awaken to Kankri's fussing to be nursed and the voices of Highbloods in the hive. Kankri is a day away from being a year old, which means it is time for the Highbloods first visit. I sit up and give Kankri his bottle, getting anxious as I watch him take his time drinking it. His lusus is living with us, but is currently asleep. I pray to whatever higher power there is that Kankri falls asleep before the Highbloods demand to see evidence of their ruling being upheld.

"Calm Yourself, Porrim, Darling. It Is Only Ampora." Maryam soothes me as she enters the room with our guest while I am hurriedly laying Kankri down in his crib to his dismay.

"Porrim, I hear that you're the one takin' care of the neww wwriggler." Ampora informs me, dressed up in his finest robes, an indication that he has no intent of doing any damage to anyone.

"Yes, Sir. He Is Very Fond Of Me As I Am Of Him." I flush as I hurriedly take Kankri back in my arms.

"I do honestly regret havving to orphan him, but I didn't havve much of a choice. The Subjugglator wwas furious ovver Vantas's latest social justice sermon and anyone who failed to showw their dedication wwas to get culled as wwell. Since he kneww Vantas had a wwriggler comin' he picked it as the perfect punishment." Ampora laments.

"Let Us Move On From Such Grim Topics. How Did You Manage To Persuade The Grand HighBlood To Let You Give The Inspection?" Maryam changes the topic, her voicy breathy and strained as she fights her ever-present grief at the loss of her matesprit.

"Wwhen I culled Vantas, he extended my leash and claimed i earned the honor of the wriggling day inspections. All the wrigglers are alive. The only problem is that wwhen your next wwriggler comes, it will be culled since all uh ya jade bloods are premature." 

"I Knew As Much To Be True And The Fact Of The Matter Is I Already Dealt With The Issue. The Latest In My Bloodline Has Already Been Born And Culled On The Spot But A Few Days After The Loss Of Vantas." Maryam, a normally proud and confident woman, hangs her head as she explains in a monotonous voice as if she were reciting the code of the hemospectrum.

"Miss Maryam!" I practically scold her. "Our Descendent Murdered Before Life?"

"I Told You I Cannot Prepare You For All That You Will Partake In. I Suppose It Was A Comfort That I Sent Our Angel Back To Whence She Came Since She Will Be With Vantas Now." Maryam reminds me, looking sorrowfully at the ceiling as if she were looking for something and that is when I notice a disturbing change in her appearance. 

I had been so focused on Ampora's arrival that I had not noticed the drastic changes she had made to her appearance. Maryam is wearing a dress that is blood red and more revealing than my own. But what is really troubling is the sight of the flesh upon her bosoms. It is burnt and scabbed with Jade blood, the symbol for Cancer upon her gray skin. We all know that it will scar her, much like the it did to Vantas. The question I now ponder is whether she will commit suicide ritualistically to match Vantas's murder. If I were to give it my most educated hypothesis, I would say that yes, she will and it may not be long.

"Miss, Your Mark, How Can You Scar Yourself In Such A Way? Do You Wish His Fate Upon Yourself That Badly?" I interrogate her, alarmed by what seems like asudden change in her behavior.

"Child, I Raised Him And I Fell In Love With Him. You Will Do The Same, I Believe. When That Occurs, You Will Understand The Ways Of A Breaking Heart. Your Own Reaction May Match Mine. If It Does, Do Not Dwell Or you May Never Explore Again." Maryam responds, a weary expression upon her face as she smiles sadly at me.

I suppose she may be right. I am far too attached already, but perhaps I can separate myself when the time comes and he is old enough to be on his own.


	5. Distance Is What There Will Never Be

I smile as Kankri crawls onto my chest, he has grown a great deal in the few short months following his one year wriggling day. He has been diagnosed with separation anxiety and generalized anxiety. He refuses to leave my side and is very much a hatchling in his attachment to me. He fears everything he does not understand and he cries everytime a Highblood comes to ensure we are still following the code. 

The visits last an hour so there is an hour of heart wrenching sobbing that occurs as he sits on the floor, clinging to his lusus's claw, waiting for me take him back into my arms. The highblood has usually been The Grand Highblood himself and he manages to soothe Kankri for short times. He is not what everyone is forced to see. His mouth sewn shut and being a mute, he has a great appreciation for the troubled and was the one to diagnose my little one. We are sworn to secrecy about his normalcy and kindness. If any others were to discover this, even he would be culled, Her Imperious Condescencion would make sure of it.

Speaking in wriggler jibberish, Kankri attempts to tell me what he wants, but I already know. With one arm around him, I use my free arm to slide into a reclined sitting position. I lay him so his back is against my up-raised knees, my skimpy lace nightgown showing practically everything it covers.

"Wake up, sunshine. The world is blinking to life. today is better than the one before, even if there's a storm we must ignore. Your smiling face and shining eyes always betray your surprise. I'll take you with me when I go. Because if theres one thing i know, it's that you'll always be my baby. It's always yes never no or maybe. So cuddle close to me and someday they will see, You're the one they want to be." I sing to him and he giggles as I cuddle him close to my chest and blow kisses on his cheek. "Rara Is Coming Today. He Has A Surprise For Us!"

Kankri looks at me, simply smiling and happy that he's got my attention as he crawls up my chest, his knees in my stomach and his hands unknowingly on my breasts. I laugh and rub the tip of my nose to his, which makes him giggle. He scrunches up his face and sneezes a very high-pitched sneeze. I laugh again and this time he pouts and starts to cry, letting himself shift backwards to lay against my knees again.

"Oh My, My Little Sweetheart!" I coo at him with a sympathetic look, pulling him up to my chest.

He tucks his head under my chin and grips the straps to my nightgown in his hands. After kissing his horns rubbing his back for awhile, he calms down again. I feed him and change him, getting him ready for our next inspection. Right on cue an hour later after he's been in the tub with me for a better part of the morning, Maryam is drawn to the door as she hears Makara's soft knocking. I dash to the bedroom, barely covered my the towel that is wrapped around Kankri as well. I get both of us dressed, struggling to keep Kankri still while I try to finish dressing him.

I carry him out to the living room, where crabdad, the Vantas lusus is lounging with his shell still recovering from his strife almost a sweep ago. Minimum troll interference is allowed in the presence of a highblood when the lusus is unfit from injury or illness to care for a wriggler. I set Kankri down on the floor and recede to the couch and sit with Maryam while Crabdad occupies a recliner. Makara chooses to take a seat on the floor as Kankri begins his crying fit for the one hour visit. I stare helplessly at my hands in my lap. Every time this happens, I can practically feel another piece of my heart die and fall away.

"AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh!" Kankri cries, rubbing at his eyes as his little body shakes and shudders from the sobbing.

Makara hands him his present, a little stuffed crab colored cherry red. Kankritosses it aside and Makara simply smiles, the white stitches pulling as his mouth is stretched to create the expression. No matter what I nudge his way with my foot, or what Maryam or Makara hands him, he tosses it aside as his way of telling us that there's something he wants that isn't some tossable toy. Makara takes Kankri in his arms like a baby, and begins to hum a song.

The lyrics are: All attempts have failed. all my heads are tails. He's got teary eyes, I've got reasons why. I'm losing ground and gaining speed I've lost myself or most of me. I'm headed for the final presipice. But you haven't lost me yet. No you haven't lost me yet. I'll sing until my lungs cave in, but you haven't lost me yet. These days pass me by. I dream with open eyes. Nightmares haunt my days. Visions blur my nights. I'm so confused what's true or false what's fact or fiction. After all I feel like I'm an appartion's past. But you haven't lost me yet. No you haven't lost me yet. I'll sing until my heart caves in. But you haven't lost me yet. Oh, i 'll sing until my lungs cave in, but you haven't lost me yet. If it doesn't break, if it doesn't break, oh if it doesn't break your heart it isn't love. If it doesn't break your heart it's not enough. Cause it's when you're really breaking down with your insides coming out, that 's when you find out what your heart is made of. and you haven't lost me yet...

It is a beautiful song by the Switchfoot Trolls. Unfortunately, it does nothing to comfort Kankri and results in Maryam breaking down. She sobs, her sharp nails ripping into the a;ready exposed cancer branding mark. Makara sets Kankri down and turns his focus towards comforting Maryam. After a while, all is well again adn Makara leaves, satidfied with our work. I quickly snatch up Kankri and we spend the rest of the day cuddled up, watching Troll Disney Movies. I cannot ask for a better child to look after, he is simply an angel. All he really wants is to cuddle and know someone is there for him. That someone is me and always will be.


End file.
